


Kintsugi

by SooSooDyo (Phinphin)



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: (That is fluff with feelings), Hurt/Comfort, Insecurity, M/M, Scars, fwf
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-08-22
Packaged: 2020-08-14 12:21:27
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20192194
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Phinphin/pseuds/SooSooDyo
Summary: It’s in the little things that Jongin notices it, the love he holds for Kyungsoo. It’s in how he knows Kyungsoo’s bottom lip tends to pull to the side when he speaks, especially if he’s excited. It’s in how he’s so accustomed to the sound of Kyungsoo’s footsteps he knows it’s his boyfriend visiting him at work before he’s even laid eyes on the other. It’s how he knows Kyungsoo so well that he’s the only one who can decipher what he means when his 4D brain strikes.It’s in how he knows what it means when Kyungsoo wears a long-sleeved sweater and sweat pants to bed.





	Kintsugi

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much prompter for writing this!! From the very first moment I saw this prompt I fell in love with it and I just couldn't go through life not writing it! I hope this is what you imagined!

It’s in the little things that Jongin notices it, the love he holds for Kyungsoo. It’s in how he knows Kyungsoo’s bottom lip tends to pull to the side when he speaks, especially if he’s excited. It’s in how he’s so accustomed to the sound of Kyungsoo’s footsteps he knows it’s his boyfriend visiting him at work before he’s even laid eyes on the other. It’s how he knows Kyungsoo so well that he’s the only one who can decipher what he means when his 4D brain strikes.

It’s in how he knows what it means when Kyungsoo wears a long-sleeved sweater and sweat pants to bed.

He sinks down on the soft mattress, his hand slowly reaching out toward the curled up Kyungsoo. As it lands on the hunched-up shoulders the smaller twitches, curls up tighter, hides further under the covers.

  
“Kyungsoo?” He asks, laying down behind the other. He’s still giving him space, because he knows that right now the last thing Kyungsoo wants to be reminded of is his body, and Jongin’s proximity to it. “Do they hurt?”

Kyungsoo’s breath shudders, the small ball he’s curled up into growing tighter, before he gives a barely there nod. Jongin nods in return, gives a small hum to show the other he’s understood.

“Do you want me to...” He lets the question hang in the air. It’s been asked plenty of times before, whenever Kyungsoo’s scars ache, and his heart aches even harder. Sometimes the answer is no, and Jongin will roll over on his back, keep his arms open, and wait for Kyungsoo to finally uncurl and bury the tears in Jongin’s shoulders. Sometimes the answer is yes, and Jongin will get the salve, help ease the pain, and soothe love onto every scar.

He hopes the answer is yes. He always hopes the answer is yes.

It’s a long moment before Kyungsoo answers, the tight ball small under the covers, fragile, but when he does it’s another minute nod of the head.

“I’ll be right back.” Jongin says and sits up. He presses a kiss to the black locks that barely stick up from underneath the duvet, because he always does. And as he straightens back up, he can see a tiny bit of the tension has left Kyungsoo.

He hurries, taking the salve from their bathroom cabinet, and hurries back into the bedroom. Kyungsoo is just like he left him, a small ball of misery on the bed.

“Come on, sit up baby.” He says, crouching down in front of Kyungsoo. The other’s eyes slowly blink open. They’re shiny, dark amber, and Jongin fall just as deep into them as the very first time he ever saw them. “Sit up for me.” He repeats, slowly pulling down the duvet.

Kyungsoo’s movements are slow, as if they pain him. But slowly and surely he sits up, hand coming up to wipe at his eyes.

Jongin takes his left hand, turns the palm upward, and kisses the little indents left behind by gravel many years ago. Kyungsoo’s breath shudders, his shoulders hunched and his body curling in on himself.

Jongin swallows down the aching ball of fire lodged in the back of his throat and squeezes out a small pea of the salve. Slowly he rubs it into the skin, thumb working rhythmically in little circles. Kyungsoo sniffs again, watching silently as Jongin pushes the sleeve of his sweater up his arm.

The little indents trail up it, like tiny tiny stars kissed into Kyungsoo’s skin. It looks almost like freckles if it weren’t for the way they rise up from the skin. Jongin likes trailing his fingers over them, feeling the tiny little bumps, but only on days Kyungsoo feels okay.

Today he bends down to press his lips against Kyungsoo’s wrist. Kyungsoo’s breath hitches, his arm pulling backwards ever so little, before allows Jongin to press another kiss to his knuckles.

Once again Jongin works the salve into his skin, making sure that not a single spot is missed. He keeps his movement slow, traceable, so Kyungsoo can prepare for where he will touch next. Kyungsoo twists his arm as Jongin works, allowing him to get the large scars on his elbow, and Jongin gives the other a small smile, his heart squeezing as Kyungsoo looks up to meet his eyes.

“Are you okay with removing your shirt?” Jongin asks, quietly, as if no one is allowed to hear. Still, the words seem loud in their quiet bedroom, hanging heavily in the air. Just like no one is allowed to hear, no one is allowed to see. No one except Jongin. And sometimes even he isn’t allowed.

Today he is.

He presses a kiss to Kyungsoo’s forehead before he grabs the hem of his sweater, slowly pulling it upwards and over Kyungsoo’s head. It comes off with ease. Kyungsoo likes wearing oversized clothes, especially Jongin’s, on days like this. He tells him it’s because it feels like armour, a large shell to hide inside.

The first thing Kyungsoo does when the sweater is off is to place a hand on the left side of his hip and waist, splaying the fingers out wide to cover as much of the area as possible. Jongin pretends he doesn’t see.

Instead he grabs the salve once more, moves on the shoulder. There is a larger scar there, as wide as Jongin’s thumb and curving around the socket. It’s from hitting the windshield shoulder first, and it had been deep enough to show bone. Now, the skin is soft and a little wavy, and as Jongin soothes the salve over it Kyungsoo gives a small flinch.

Jongin pretends he doesn’t see that either, allows Kyungsoo to curl in ever so slightly on himself before straightening out once again as Jongin continues to work. He climbs up around Kyungsoo, dabs at the little marks left behind from cuts that decorate his back.

They’re in the shape of a constellation. At night, on good days, Jongin likes to draw lines connecting the little scars, telling Kyungsoo what he sees in them. His favourite is the little bear. Kyungsoo laughs at him whenever he mentions it, because he has never figured out how Jongin can see it, but Jongin knows it’s there, will trace the line over and over again until Kyungsoo is giggling beautifully, and then he’ll wrap himself close around his boyfriend and tell him he’s the big bear, and he wants bear hugs.

Today, he doesn’t trace any lines, but the little bear is still there. It always is. And he makes sure to be gentle as he cares for the tips of its ears, for the little nose, the two moles that makes out its eyes, the little paws. He kisses the top of its head, the tip of Kyungsoo’s spine, before he moves away, and Kyungsoo shudders.

“Your hand.” He requests quietly.

Kyungsoo is still for a long moment, before he removes his hand from the left side of his hip and waist and hold it out for Jongin to take. There isn’t nearly as many scars on this hand, but Jongin still takes just as much care in treating these as he does any other scar.

When he lets go of the hand, Kyungsoo’s breath shudders once more. They know what comes next, and they know how difficult it is.

  
“Do you wanna lay down?” Jongin asks, keeping his voice quiet. Kyungsoo blinks, eyes swimming with unshed tears as he once again wraps a hand around his waist, let’s his other hand join it.

“You don’t have to.” He says, voice hoarse with the effort of not crying. “You don’t have to.”

“I want to. I know they hurt. I want to help you.” Jongin replies, sliding off the bed to crouch down in front of his boyfriend. He can’t catch the other’s eye, Kyungsoo’s face squeezed tight in an effort to hold the emotions back, but he still tries.

  
“They’re so ugly.” He whispers. “I’m ugly.” The words are painful, both to say and to hear, and Jongin has to swallow hard to make sure his voice is steady when he replies.

“They’re not.” He says. “They’re just scars Kyungsoo. And you’re just as beautiful as you’ve always been, and as you’ll always be.” He says, and it’s the truth. Because they are just scars, and they might ache, and bring up ugly memories, but they in themselves aren’t ugly, and neither is Kyungsoo for having them.

“I’m not.” Kyungsoo says, his voice cracking midway through. “I’m not, I’m not, I’m not.”

“You are.” Jongin hushes, reaching up to wipe away the tears that have begun to leak down Kyungsoo’s cheeks. “You’ve always been the most beautiful person I know, and the accident didn’t change that.” He reaches up to press a kiss to Kyungsoo’s forehead, lingering for a moment as he says:

“I love you, every single part of you, scars, freckles, moles, and wrinkles.”

Kyungsoo sniffs, a barely there smile twitching in the corner of his lips for half a second, before another tear makes its way down his face.

“I love you too.” Kyungsoo replies, hands coming out to rest on Jongin’s sides for a moment. They stay for another moment, listening to the silence, before Kyungsoo whispers once more.

  
“The skin feels really tight today.”

Jongin nods, allows Kyungsoo to lay back down on the bed. The other stares at the ceiling for a long moment, collecting himself, before he slowly shimmies his sweatpants, and underwear, down his legs.

Once they’re off, he rolls over on his right side and grabs Jongin’s pillow to bury his face in it.

There is a long scar stretching from Kyungsoo’s waist, over his hip, and down to the very top of his thigh. There are little horizontal scars intersecting it, left behind by the clamps that were used to keep it all together. Some of them are just little dots on either sides, some thicker lines.

They had needed to replace Kyungsoo’s hip. It had shattered so badly there was nothing left to save. The impact had torn the skin right open, and the skidding on the road afterward just opened it up further. Jongin remembers the x-rays, both the before with the clear breaks in the socket, and the after with the many screws and the prothesis acting as the new socket bone. He can still feel one of the screws inside.

Kyungsoo can’t feel them. Not inside at least. He barely has any feeling left in that area, but Jongin can still find him pressing a finger against the hipbone every once in a while, feeling the little screws.

It reminds them both he’s still alive.

As Jongin rubs the salve into the tender flesh, he makes sure to feel the screws under the skin, like he always does. People have said it should feel weird, to feel something so distinctly non-human under human skin, but to Jongin it just feels like another part of Kyungsoo. Just like the scars, the metal rods holding him together is a part of him, and just like the scars, Jongin is going to love them with all of his heart.

“Does your leg hurt?” Jongin asks, moving a hand down to the knee. It had dislocated in the crash, and a few times since, and sometimes it aches. Kyungsoo shakes his head, eyes closed, and shoulders drawn tight up toward his ears.

Jongin hums, lets his hand caress up Kyungsoo’s side once again, letting fingers travel over the ridges in the skin, over dips and curves. He lays down, slowly, behind the other, wrapping an arm around Kyungsoo and pressing his hand against the other’s chest.

His heart beat is quick, but steady, and for a long moment Jongin does nothing except listen to it. His own is beating in synch. He presses himself closer against Kyungsoo’s back, imagining that his heart is pressed right up against the other’s.

“Feeling better?” He asks, lips pressed against the nape of Kyungsoo’s back.

Kyungsoo sighs a tired sigh, his hand coming to rest on top of Jongin’s. He doesn’t say anything, but Jongin can feel him relax in his arms, and knows.

  
“You know, sometimes...” He begins, spreading his fingers so Kyungsoo can interlace his own with them. Kyungsoo hums. “I want to paint your scars golden.” He continues, pressing a small kiss into a little bump on Kyungsoo’s shoulder.

Kyungsoo snorts, like he always does when Jongin says something silly.

“There is this thing called _kintsugi_. The idea is that when you repair a bowl or something, you paint the cracks in the break gold, because the fact that it was once broken is now a part of the history of the object and shouldn’t be hidden. The bowl is just as beautiful with the cracks at it was before, but in a different way.” He explains. “There is more to it, a whole philosophy, that I don’t know, but I really like the idea.”

Kyungsoo is still in his arms, listening intently. Jongin pulls his hand free and extends his pointer finger. With delicate movements he brings it toward Kyungsoo’s forearm, lightly touching one of the many dots, and then another, and another.

“Like this.” He lets the finger caress a longer scar. “I’d paint every single one golden, until all of you shone as bright as you do in my heart.”

Kyungsoo shifts in his arms, turning out of the pillow to get a better look, and Jongin can tell there is a smile playing on his lips.

“Every single one?” Kyungsoo asks as Jongin’s finger continues to brush the little bumps.

“Every single one.” Jongin confirms, lifting his hand and moving it down to Kyungsoo’s hip. Kyungsoo shivers as he drags his pointer finger up the long scar left behind by the hip surgery. It’s still a darker colour than the rest of Kyungsoo. Jongin paints over it once more.

Kyungsoo shifts again, rolling over on his back so he can look up at Jongin. Jongin stills, his finger hovering over the other’s abdomen. Slowly, he bends down to give the other a kiss, his lips as gentle as his hand had been moments before.

Kyungsoo presses back up into the kiss, his hand coming up to cup Jongin’s cheek.

“Show me again.” He speaks into Jongin’s mouth. “How you’d paint me. All of me”

Jongin nods, letting his hand come to rest on Kyungsoo’s abdomen. He spreads his fingers, feeling the soft skin under them, and moves them up Kyungsoo’s side, chest and shoulder until he reaches his arm once more.

  
“Like this.” He says, holding up Kyungsoo’s hand and kissing the palm. Kyungsoo shivers, his large eyes following Jongin’s every movement as Jongin continues to kiss each scar in turn, paying careful attention to every single one of them.

As he reaches Kyungsoo’s chest, he makes sure to include the other’s moles as well, mapping them out on the pale skin and connecting them with light caresses of his fingers. Kyungsoo gasps under him, his hands resting by his head, his body laid bare for Jongin.

There is no hiding, no shame, no pain. The only sound in the room is that of Kyungsoo’s panting breaths, and the kisses Jongin leaves on his skin. They leave the skin shining in the late evening sun. Shining like gold.

His hands continue to travel over Kyungsoo’s body, leaving no inch untouched, no part of him unloved. Kyungsoo lets him, lets him spread his legs open, lets him swallow the surprised moan with a kiss as a slick finger enters him, lets him fill his very being with warmth, happiness, and gold.

Their bodies are pressed close, their foreheads resting against each other’s, as Jongin rocks against Kyungsoo. The other shivers under him, his mouth opening in quiet gasps and high-pitched groans. Jongin’s hand rests on his hips, gently, as if he’s afraid their movements will break off the delicate screws hiding under the skin.

Kyungsoo’s arms are wrapped tight around him, hands fisted in Jongin’s hair. His eyes fall close as Jongin gives a particularly hard thrust, his body tightening, and like everything about Kyungsoo, it’s the most beautiful thing Jongin has ever seen.

Jongin’s eyes falls shut a moment later. Kyungsoo is so tight around him, wet and hot. It sends sparks of pleasure flying up his spine, sets his skin ablaze with the need to touch more and more of Kyungsoo. He crashes their lips together, tries, like many times before, to convey the overflowing love he feels for the other.

Kyungsoo cums with a whimper of Jongin’s name, his legs tight around the other, his head thrown back in pleasure. Jongin cums a moment later, his toes curling in the sheets, and his hand held tight over Kyungsoo’s hip.

They don’t part. They simply lay down, Kyungsoo still pressed close against Jongin’s chest. The other resumes his painting, fingers dancing over the little scars on the other’s back. Each touch brings Kyungsoo closer and closer to sleep. Every brush fills a part of the hollowness in his chest with Jongin’s love, until it’s so full, so so full, and the love spills out through his eyes.

“I love you.” Jongin whispers, kissing the top of his head and letting his lips linger there for a long moment.

“I love you too.” Kyungsoo replies, a smile on his lips as Jongin paints yet another scar golden.

It’s in the little things that Kyungsoo notices it, the love Jongin holds for him. It’s in how the only phone number he knows by heart is Jongin’s. It’s in how he can tell by the sound of the other’s breathing what mood he’s in. It’s in how whenever he cooks there are always enough left-overs for Jongin’s lunch box, even when he’s just cooking for one.

It’s in how every time Jongin’s fingers trail over one of his scars, they always seem to shine golden afterwards.


End file.
